Surviving bullies at the workplace

Snide remarks, derogatory comments, insults. What do these have in common? These are what people face regularly at the workplace, and are all courtesy of the resident workplace bully. Be it the boss, colleague or client, workplace bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and across all age groups and different levels of seniority.
By Liu Lian Feng

Bullying is described as unwelcome behaviour that repeatedly occurs, and is usually threatening in nature. It leaves the victim in a state of anger, depression or emotional distress. Workplace bullying can happen anywhere, anytime, regardless of the organisation’s size and business.
Workplace bullying is a common phenomenon, and it is estimated that one in six workers suffer from bullying at work. The perpetrators are usually people who are in a position of higher authority, and they often use their power to bully others into doing what they want.
Selina Goh, 27, a public relations consultant, was not once, but twice, unlucky when she found herself bullied in consecutive jobs. She shared, “my boss was a mean, manipulative woman who practiced favoritism. Sarcastic comments and derogatory remarks were common, and it got so bad that I dreaded work discussions with her. The bullying got to me over time, and I became depressed and angry. I often lost my temper with my family and friends. The next company was even worse, it had a few bullies including a supervisor who forced us to spring-clean the office on the eve of holidays.”
Why do bullies bully?

Some reasons for workplace bullying:
A Competitive workplace environment. Employees have to constantly prove themselves for promotions/incentives. Bullying is seen as a way to gain advantage over colleagues.
The boss shows favoritism, and showers his “pets” with rewards, praise and promotions. Employees end up fighting and bullying one another to win the boss’s favour.

Bullies are often people who are in a position of power, and enjoy using it to feel superior and powerful.
People with low self-esteem or self-confidence also use bullying as a tool to help themselves feel better and more confident.
The bully is not qualified for the job, and uses bullying as a tactic to get what he wants or to get someone else to do it for him. He uses it as a cover for his lack of knowledge and ability to do the job.

Tips to cope with workplace bullies.

While it may be difficult for many people to pull themselves out of their anger and depression over such situations, it is vital to take a step back to analyse and decide on the next course of action.
The important first step is to recognise that you’re a victim – it is not your fault for being a bully’s target. Do not let your self-esteem or sense of self-worth suffer from being a victim of workplace bullying. Do an honest self-evaluation. Are you the type that avoids confrontations like a plague? Do you find yourself agreeing with others when internally you don’t? While your personality is no excuse for others’ bullying behavior, it might help to see if there is anything you can do to minimise your exposure as an easy target.

The second step is to try to regain control of the situation. Even if you think it’s a tremendous task, you need to take steps to defend yourself. Understand that it’s an emotional situation so don’t listen to that little inner voice that tells you it’s hopeless. Instead focus on the logical aspects – analyse the situation, figure out the players and make a plan to get out of the situation. And make contingency plans. Ask yourself if you want to remain in the organisation in the long run if things do not approve. If the answer is no, your contingency plan need to include an exit strategy.

The boss bully
If you have a boss that bullies, take control of the situation by realising that he needs YOU to do a job. Find an opportunity where you are sure of your ground and stand firm. Say NO. Take a day where you know work is light and leave the office on time. You will be surprised the effects small gestures like these have. It gives you back some control while your boss does a re-evaluation of you. Be prepared that he will try to exert more pressure as a knee-jerk reaction. Stay calm, justify your actions and be firm. It takes guts to do that but you will be glad you did. Do this over a period of time and see if it works. If it doesn’t, approach your company’s HR. Don’t see HR as dead-ended avenue because that department has that responsibility towards employee welfare. Give them a chance to intervene.

The colleague bully
To counter a colleague bully, you need to change the perspective of being a victim to being an equal. Know that you are all employees with different job functions and responsibilities. Mutual respect is expected of colleagues. Demand it. The next time someone makes snide remarks at you, take them to task and confront them. Build you own support group. Get to know more people within the office, spend time cultivating them as work friends. You are harder to bully when you have a support group.

If the bully tries to take credit for your work, talk to your manager directly. Lay down the facts in black and white and ask for redress. Be prepared to talk to HR if you feel the manager favors the bully. In short, stand up for yourself. Make a conscious decision not to be a victim. It all starts with small steps and small victories but slowly and surely, you will see results if you keep at it.

Distract yourself
Try not to get too emotionally attached to your job. It is afterall just work. There are a lot more things in life to be happy about. Be prepared to leave all the unhappiness behind once you step out of the office. Meet up with some friends, take a holiday or take up activities that can help you de-stress.

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