LIES We Believe

Life has much suffering, but too often we suffer unnecessarily because of lies we believe about ourselves and our circumstances. We accept as fact the words that are spoken to our souls by an enemy who wants us destroyed. We can become fearful, depressed, lonely, angry, doubtful, confused, insecure, hopeless, beaten down, worried, and full of self-pity, all because of lies we believe. But we can overcome each one of these lies with prayer, faith, and the truth of God’s Word.

Deception is the enemy’s ongoing plan of attack, Jesus said the devil “was murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it”(John 8:44). The only power the devil has is in getting people to believe his lies. If they don’t believe his lies, he is powerless to get his work done.

How To Deal With Gossipmongers @ Workplace?

Review your company policy
if any exists, for the guidelines on ethics-related matters.

Observe
Before launching yourself into office politics, observe. See how people relate and learn the unofficial roles certain individuals in your workplace have adopted. If you notice one person who consistently makes trouble, take the necessary actions to have as little interaction with that person as possible.

Be busy
Gossipmongers want attention. If you’re delving into your work, you can’t be available to appreciate their latest tales.

Don’t participate
If there is gossip at your place of work, let it stop with you. If someone passes a “juicy story” on to you, don’t pass it any further. Take personal responsibility to act with integrity.

Turn it around
by saying something positive. It isn’t nearly as much fun to spread negative news if it’s spoiled by a complimentary phrase about the
person being attacked.

Keep your private life private
Don’t trust personal information with coworkers. Remember, if they are gossiping about others, they will gossip about you, too. Don’t give them ammunition.

Choose your friends wisely at work
You spend a good deal of time at work so it’s natural for friendships to develop. Share information sparingly until you are sure that you have built up a level of trust.

Behave appropriately at work
Remember that work is not the place to share all types of information.

Be direct
You know you are morally correct by not gossiping. So does the one spreading the gossip. If you confront that person and confidently tell him or her that such behavior is making it uncomfortable for you and other coworkers, it’s likely to stop.

Don’t be afraid to go to a superior
Gossiping wastes a lot of company time and hurts morale. A company interested in a healthy work environment will value the opportunity to correct this type of situation.

Workplace Killer

Gossip is an unavoidable presence in all workplaces, where a brunch of killer gossiper – the disciple of GOSSIP is around. How do we deal with this people?

When you hear someone gossiping about you, talk to them about it. Politely tell them that you heard what they said and you don’t appreciate it. Tell them they are free to come to you if they are curious about what it going on in your life. Refrain from yelling or getting angry, as people don’t always gossip to be mean. They may just be bored. Inform them of the possibility of facing a slander lawsuit if they make someone angry. Don’t belittle them or be rude. Chances are, they will be embarrassed enough at being caught in the act.

When workplace gossip gets to the point that it is damaging your career, or makes going to work miserable, it may be time to talk to upper management. Ask your manager if you can have a private meeting with him. Explain to him what is going on, without appearing whiny. Inform him of the actions you have taken to fix the situation. Listen to what he has to say and come up with a solution to the problem.

Or the better solution, just ignore the gossipmongers.

Surviving bullies at the workplace

Snide remarks, derogatory comments, insults. What do these have in common? These are what people face regularly at the workplace, and are all courtesy of the resident workplace bully. Be it the boss, colleague or client, workplace bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and across all age groups and different levels of seniority.
By Liu Lian Feng

Bullying is described as unwelcome behaviour that repeatedly occurs, and is usually threatening in nature. It leaves the victim in a state of anger, depression or emotional distress. Workplace bullying can happen anywhere, anytime, regardless of the organisation’s size and business.
Workplace bullying is a common phenomenon, and it is estimated that one in six workers suffer from bullying at work. The perpetrators are usually people who are in a position of higher authority, and they often use their power to bully others into doing what they want.
Selina Goh, 27, a public relations consultant, was not once, but twice, unlucky when she found herself bullied in consecutive jobs. She shared, “my boss was a mean, manipulative woman who practiced favoritism. Sarcastic comments and derogatory remarks were common, and it got so bad that I dreaded work discussions with her. The bullying got to me over time, and I became depressed and angry. I often lost my temper with my family and friends. The next company was even worse, it had a few bullies including a supervisor who forced us to spring-clean the office on the eve of holidays.”
Why do bullies bully?

Some reasons for workplace bullying:
A Competitive workplace environment. Employees have to constantly prove themselves for promotions/incentives. Bullying is seen as a way to gain advantage over colleagues.
The boss shows favoritism, and showers his “pets” with rewards, praise and promotions. Employees end up fighting and bullying one another to win the boss’s favour.

Bullies are often people who are in a position of power, and enjoy using it to feel superior and powerful.
People with low self-esteem or self-confidence also use bullying as a tool to help themselves feel better and more confident.
The bully is not qualified for the job, and uses bullying as a tactic to get what he wants or to get someone else to do it for him. He uses it as a cover for his lack of knowledge and ability to do the job.

Tips to cope with workplace bullies.

While it may be difficult for many people to pull themselves out of their anger and depression over such situations, it is vital to take a step back to analyse and decide on the next course of action.
The important first step is to recognise that you’re a victim – it is not your fault for being a bully’s target. Do not let your self-esteem or sense of self-worth suffer from being a victim of workplace bullying. Do an honest self-evaluation. Are you the type that avoids confrontations like a plague? Do you find yourself agreeing with others when internally you don’t? While your personality is no excuse for others’ bullying behavior, it might help to see if there is anything you can do to minimise your exposure as an easy target.

The second step is to try to regain control of the situation. Even if you think it’s a tremendous task, you need to take steps to defend yourself. Understand that it’s an emotional situation so don’t listen to that little inner voice that tells you it’s hopeless. Instead focus on the logical aspects – analyse the situation, figure out the players and make a plan to get out of the situation. And make contingency plans. Ask yourself if you want to remain in the organisation in the long run if things do not approve. If the answer is no, your contingency plan need to include an exit strategy.

The boss bully
If you have a boss that bullies, take control of the situation by realising that he needs YOU to do a job. Find an opportunity where you are sure of your ground and stand firm. Say NO. Take a day where you know work is light and leave the office on time. You will be surprised the effects small gestures like these have. It gives you back some control while your boss does a re-evaluation of you. Be prepared that he will try to exert more pressure as a knee-jerk reaction. Stay calm, justify your actions and be firm. It takes guts to do that but you will be glad you did. Do this over a period of time and see if it works. If it doesn’t, approach your company’s HR. Don’t see HR as dead-ended avenue because that department has that responsibility towards employee welfare. Give them a chance to intervene.

The colleague bully
To counter a colleague bully, you need to change the perspective of being a victim to being an equal. Know that you are all employees with different job functions and responsibilities. Mutual respect is expected of colleagues. Demand it. The next time someone makes snide remarks at you, take them to task and confront them. Build you own support group. Get to know more people within the office, spend time cultivating them as work friends. You are harder to bully when you have a support group.

If the bully tries to take credit for your work, talk to your manager directly. Lay down the facts in black and white and ask for redress. Be prepared to talk to HR if you feel the manager favors the bully. In short, stand up for yourself. Make a conscious decision not to be a victim. It all starts with small steps and small victories but slowly and surely, you will see results if you keep at it.

Distract yourself
Try not to get too emotionally attached to your job. It is afterall just work. There are a lot more things in life to be happy about. Be prepared to leave all the unhappiness behind once you step out of the office. Meet up with some friends, take a holiday or take up activities that can help you de-stress.

How to Deal With Unreasonables

Article taken from wikiHOW

We all have those people in our lives that are just about completely insane – they may know they’re wrong, but they still push their way just for principle; they think everyone is against them, therefore everything you do is to irritate them; basically they are largely unreasonable, and seemingly impossible to live with. Well, be prepared to apply a little logic, because I’m about to show you that there is no impossibility.

First, you have to get to know them. If you’re good at reading people you just met, this’ll be a breeze for you. You need to know some key aspects of this person: What little things frequently make him/her angry? Does this person yell/scream often? How quickly does this person get to that breaking point?

If you know these things, you know how to keep them to explosions as little as possible, and what type of anger you’re looking at, which will help you to deal with your unruly person.

Once you know a bit about your person, you can try to figure out what kind of person he/she is. The way I see it, there are three types of unreasonable people:

The Arguer – Argues frequently, often for little or no reason whatsoever.
Arguers will often have little idea what they’re talking about, but once they say something, they won’t give up, insisting that they’re right and you are an idiot, even if they have been shown to be wrong, but they just don’t want to admit it.
The Explosive – Freak out at the tiniest thing, trying to make you feel like a moron.
Explosives are a bit of a variation from Arguers. They will argue a lot, but more violently, sometimes yelling or even pushing and hitting until you cave. Explosives don’t usually lash out at people they don’t know well, but they can sometimes. People that they do know avoid them and decide “It’s not worth it.”
The Passive-agressive – They won’t argue, but are still very unreasonable. They use avoidance, silent treatment, and make you feel guilty or confused without directly showing their aggression.
They use body language to show you they’re angry, and that you are in big trouble. Often they will try to pretend like they’re not angry, but you know.#
Okay, so now that you know what type of unreasonable you’re dealing with, you can start to be able to handle him/her. The most important thing to remember when dealing with an unreasonable is that one will often not give up without a fight, no matter how small the issue may be.
Consider talking to the unreasonable, saying “not everything needs an argument,” and that “being right isn’t that important in life.” Sometimes, if you let them know how you’re feeling, they’ll try to tone it down a bit. Other people, however don’t do well talking things out.
If you are one of those who doesn’t like talking (Recessive), you probably need some tips for how to deal with the talkative unreasonable.

In the case of Arguers: if they say something wrong, and you want to correct them, or say something that may start an argument, think to yourself: Is being right really important right now? Is this an issue really worth getting into a big hubbub about? A lot of the time, the answer will be no, and in this case, I would let it go, ignore, it, or, just agree: “Okay.” Would it really matter if you allow yourself to lose and be wrong a few times?

In the case of explosives: try to use the arguer strategy before they get out of control: give-in. This isn’t always possible, sometimes an Explosive can catch you off guard when you thought there was nothing wrong. If they do get into a screaming spree, sometimes, it will still work to just agree, give in, but make sure you don’t do it in a way that seems passive-aggressive (sulking), this drives explosives nuts.
Avoid any arguments after giving in, because while an explosive is calming down, he/she is still a ticking bomb. The tiniest of things could set him/her off, he/she may even be looking for things to get mad about.
Just pretend that nothing is wrong. Act like they are having a civil conversation, but don’t make a point of it. If you seem to obviously ignoring the outburst, this comes out as very passive-aggressive.
Remove all emotions from your way of being, except serious and calm. Don’t react to their explosions. Don’t act angry, scared, happy, sad, or even some degrees of nonchalant. Just be after a while, your unreasonable may get bored of the fact that he/she is getting no reaction from you. This helps things.

In the case of passive-aggressives: it is a first reaction to get angry. Passive-aggression is meant to make a person irritated and tense, meant to hit them silently but bitterly. It’s hard, sometimes to ignore this, because it may make you so angry to be given the silent treatment, but you need to put real effort into it. You shouldn’t strike back with passive-aggression (going into a sulk or withdrawing), because that would just make things worse for you. Act nonchalant to their passive angriness.
Act like you don’t get it that they’re angry or why. Try to lighten the mood, even. Don’t laugh, though, don’t get happy all of a sudden, this’ll make your unreasonable very angry.
Quickly change the subject. If you can get to a lighter topic, you might be able to switch him/her to a happier mind set, which is definitely a plus.

[edit] TipsNever, ever react with anger to meet your unreasonable’s anger. Then you would be unreasonable in return. Sometimes, unreasonables only act the way they do to get a reaction, and you’re playing into their hands, which is what they want. It doesn’t make the situation any better.
Change the subject as quickly and as gracefully as you can. If you can change his/her state of mind to a better one and make him/her forget that he/she is angry, you are in the clear.

Stress Management Tips for Customer Service Professionals

Article by Donna Earl

Managing stress is an essential job skill for the successful customer service professional. Typically customer service representatives experience burnout from two sources: 1) repetitive routine requests, and 2) frustrated customers. The combination can lead to stress, unless reps manage their responses well. The following are stress-busting ideas to help keep calm and maintain perspective.

1. Don’t be a sponge for customer frustration. Their frustration has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally. In their emotional state, all they can think of is how upset they are. Most don’t realize the impact they might be having on you. Ignore any personal attacks and exaggerations. At this point in time, they might not be rational. I was on a plane flight delayed by a lightening storm. The passenger next to me was very agitated, and was yelling ‘This airline always does this to me.’ This comment was so outrageous nobody would take his complaints personally. Sometimes the less outrageous exaggerations trigger stress responses. Remember: Never take it personally.

2. Remember the angry customer is really a nice person, and has temporarily become a sheep in wolf’s clothing. Think of them normally reasonable, and in a good or neutral mood. They’ve probably called you before with a routine question, and been okay. Now you’re experiencing a blip in their behavioral radar. When talking to them, remember there’s a nice person in there someplace, and if you keep your cool and work with them, you’ll discover that nice customer again. Typically they’ll apologize and thank you profusely if you keep thinking they’ll become nice.

3. When customers are frustrated, their behavior is a reaction to unmet expectations. Uncovering their expectations will help defuse the emotion, help you keep cool, and keep the conversation focused on problem solving. Keep focusing on what you can do to close the gap between their unmet expectations and their experience of your company’s services and products. When customers are dealt with sincerely and professionally, they are more open to alternative solutions.

4. When you start your shift, make an agreement with yourself that you’ll stay in control of the calls, and in control of your mood. When you’re in control, the customer responds, and the conversation takes less time and is less emotional. When their frustration ‘pushes our buttons’ we’re less effective. The tone of the call is emotional rather than conversational. If you’ve ‘fallen off the wagon’, take a break, regain your cool, and resolve that the rest of your shift you’ll be in control. Find a way of rewarding yourself for your first day ‘in control’, although the lack of stress you’ll feel at the end of your shift is reward enough!

5. Keep a healthy work/life balance. One of my favorite call center agents maintains perspective with a current family photo at eye level in his cube. It’s a photo from the latest family vacation. When calls become stressful, he looks at the photo as a reminder that dealing with customers is his job, and his family is his life. What is important to you in your personal life? Bring a representation of your personal interests to work as a reminder to maintain perspective.

6. Keep a laugh diary. Remember the last time something made you burst out laughing? Keep a list with key words to trigger your memory of the scenario. When you’re feeling stressed and depressed after a call, look at an entry in your laugh diary to neutralize negative emotions. When you’re not at work, stay alert for funny incidents from movies or reality and add to your laugh diary. While it can be helpful to decompress by laughing about difficult calls with colleagues, it’s healthier not to spend lots of time reliving distress. Consult your laugh diary, and healthy laughing!

7. Remember that stress has a physical component. Eat for mental alertness and low stress. Try declaring your workspace a no sugar zone. Although stress can send you running for sugar, the feel good ‘rush’ will evaporate within a half hour. The sugar blues can leave you more vulnerable to emotional reactions. Many people find incorporating more protein in their diet keeps them positive. Try high-protein snacks like sunflower seeds, nuts etc. and see if you notice a difference. It’s important to drink plenty of water. Feeling foggy and frustrated can indicate dehydration or insufficient protein. Eat for success, and you’ll feel calmer and in control throughout the day.

Dealing with Abusive Customers

Article by Donna Earl

Some customers go beyond angry and become abusive. They might start the call in abusive mode, or might escalate to abusive from mere anger. Sometimes if you don’t tell them what they want to hear, they become abusive. Abusive is defined as verbally threatening, using foul language, and emotionally out of control. When you’ve used your best skills at defusing the angry customer and the customer is still out of control, or if the customer begins the conversation in an abusive manner, its time to utilize some advanced strategies for managing the customer’s behavior. It’s also time to protect yourself. It’s more likely the customer will become abusive with telephone customer service reps, as the contact is more anonymous.

Here are some specific steps you can take to manage the out of control customer.

1. Personalize the conversation.
The less personal the interaction, the more likely it can escalate out of control. As soon as you perceive the customer’s anger might escalate out of control, and you’ve tried your well practiced defusing skills and nothing works, its time to use the ‘personalize the conversation’ strategy. Call the customer by name, and refer to their company by name. Restate your name, and remind them that (your company name) wants them to be satisfied.

2. Declare your intent and boundaries.
Remind the customer you want to solve the problem. Let them know you can solve the problem only when the language is appropriate, and demands are reasonable. You should never allow the customer to continue if they’re using inappropriate language, or if they’re totally out of control. Nothing will be accomplished, and they’ll sabotage your efforts to stay composed. They’ll lose respect for you and the company for allowing the situation to continue. If they cannot maintain enough control to conduct a reasonable conversation, its time to switch strategies.

3. Transfer the call.
Whether you transfer the call to a supervisor or to a colleague, the customer has the opportunity to regroup. When you transfer the call, tell the customer you’ve done all you can, and its time for them to speak with “fill in the name” who will now handle the problem. This serves notice to the customer that they cannot continue to abuse you, and that behavior will be interrupted. When the second person handles the customer, typically the customer will try to appear reasonable and soft spoken.

4. Discontinue the call.
If there’s nobody to transfer the call to, or you’ve been the recipient of the transferred call and the customer is still out of control, it’s time to end the cycle. Remind the customer you’re there to help, and also willing to discuss a solution in a reasonable manner. Let them know your company wants them to be a satisfied customer, but also does not allow customer service professionals to continue in abusive conversations. Ask them to please contact the customer service department at another time, and tell them “I am now releasing this call.”

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LIAR

When asked to identify the single most important aspect of a successful relationship, most people said it was trust. The ability to depend upon the honesty of another person is essential to a happy relationship but if that person is a pathological liar, the path to a lasting relationship can be rocky.

Seven Ways to Identify a Liar

1. Consider the person’s recall: Liars never forget what they have to say but they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They’re also eager to change the subject.

2. Observe the person’s overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously.

3.Take notice of any defensiveness: Liars will often take offence to any indication that they’re under suspicion. They’re likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves

4. Home in on facial expressions: Liars fail to control their micro-expressions. While fibbing, you may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They’re particularly good with fake smiles.

5. Don’t overlook the Pinocchio reaction: When a human tells a lie, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously.

6. Concentrate on the eyes: A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If the person is telling you the truth, he’ll look up and to the left since that’s the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she’s lying, she’ll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she’s mentally constructing something that hasn’t happened.

7. Note the person’s voice: The higher the stakes are, the more the liar has a fear of getting caught. With this, the liar has a harder time controlling his body language or her voice. The pitch or rate of the speech may change, with the individual giving a lot of “umms” and “ahhs.” Often, a liar will appear stilted and monotone. Answers may seem rehearsed.